| Author | Message | ||
| jennifer vanburen
New member Username: annaswirls Post Number: 8 Registered: 10-2005 |
I held wet washcloths on the hayloft kitten’s eyes that were crusted shut while father pulled the hoe across the lime-crusted wheelbarrow. And when Darren used his fingers to free gravel caught in the gears I held wet washcloths to soak the blood, brought pills for his pain. Soak it in Epsom salts Nana said. I suspected Epsom salts and wet washcloths could fix about anything. The women taught me, this is how to fix a broken cake, scrape powdered sugar from the sides of the bowl, fill the holes with icing, use the knife to even ridges. Roma is silent except for the sound of obstructed breath. Across the hall I pretend to sleep and he tells her "More tongue, less teeth, yes, like that" Under the blanket my fingers move in slow circles that quicken when Roma gets it right and his instruction turns to praise of Jesus oh God. His pores open and spill their sacrifice I bite my blanket, my toes are numb from the tightening of restrained expression. Roma too is silent as she walks on sock feet to the bathroom for a white towel and cold water. Today I do not call for the men. Alone I feel them watching me as I fill holes, and patch cracks in the steps that lead to my house. They nod as I scrape excess cement with the edge of my shiny trowel and pull it smooth before going inside to ready the chicken for roasting. Vegatables, washed and peeled. ~~~ No one taught me how to patch concrete ~first person experiment~ But from the hayloft I watched my brothers carry sand and gravel as father pulled the hoe across the lime-crusted wheelbarrow. Just like gravy in a mashed potato dam. From the safety of Nana’s porch I saw Darren foolishly pick at gravel caught in the gear. His success was rewarded with fingers crushed by rusted teeth. I held wet washcloths for blood, brought pills for pain; held wet washcloths on the hay loft kitten’s eyes, softened crust, drained puss. Soak it in Epsom salts, just like Nana said. Epsom salts and wet washcloths could fix about anything. The women taught me, this is how to fix a broken cake, scrape powdered sugar from the sides of the bowl, fill the holes with icing, use the knife to even ridges. Wipe counters with wet washcloths before it hardens fast. Today I do not call for the men. Alone I feel them watching me fill holes, and patch cracks in the steps that lead to my house. They nod as I scrape excess cement with the edge of my new trowel and pull it all smooth before going inside to ready the chicken for roasting. Vegatables, washed and peeled. ~ No one taught you how to patch concrete But from the hayloft you and sticky-eyed kittens watched your brothers carry sand and gravel as father pulled the hoe across the lime-crusted wheelbarrow. You told Mom it was like gravy in a mashed potato dam. From the safety of Nana’s porch you saw the cement mixer crush Allen's fingers as he foolishly picked a stone that jammed the gear. You held wet washcloths for the blood, brought pills for the pain. You held wet washcloths over kitten’s eyes softened crust, drained the puss. Soak it in Epsom salts just like Nana told you. Epsom salts and wet washcloths could fix about anything. The women taught you, this is how to fix a broken cake, scrape powdered sugar from the sides of the bowl, fill the holes with icing, use the knife to even ridges. Today you do not call for the men. I watch you fill holes, patch cracks in the steps that lead to your house. You scrape excess cement with the edge of your trowel, pull it smooth before before preparing chicken for the evening meal. } (Message edited by annaswirls on December 10, 2005) (Message edited by annaswirls on December 11, 2005) (Message edited by annaswirls on December 11, 2005) (Message edited by annaswirls on December 13, 2005) (Message edited by annaswirls on January 15, 2006) (Message edited by annaswirls on January 15, 2006) www.mannequinenvy.com | ||
| Lazarus
Intermediate Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 427 Registered: 10-2005 |
Oh How I love resourceful moms. I have one of my own. Showed me how to fake it until you make it. I should thank her for this. I loved the cake bit. “Something sacred, that's what they want” -Jim Morrison. From the movie “The Doors.” | ||
| Karen L Monahan
Valued Member Username: klhmonahan Post Number: 266 Registered: 08-2004 |
I like this. Reminds me of Robert Frost's "Out, Out". Check this area: you saw Allen the gears catch Allen’s fingers ((smile)) Karen | ||
| craig kirchner
New member Username: craig_kirchner Post Number: 2 Registered: 12-2005 |
loved the title and sticky-eyed kittens. the cake fixing thing is universal but not cliche. vrey cool piece. craig | ||
| jennifer vanburen
New member Username: annaswirls Post Number: 9 Registered: 10-2005 |
Lazarus- yes! I was not about to pay some guy to put concrete icing on my broken cake steps...resourceful=cheap.  Karen: Thank you for picking that up and for telling me!! the whole Allen stanza was messed up, I fixed it-- or made the attempt. Craig: Thanks! Those barn cats always have that sticky eye syndrome. I think I have to work on this more, thank you for reading, and for your comments! www.mannequinenvy.com | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 3611 Registered: 07-2002 |
Jennifer--I love the voice in this. It feels completely authentic. "Epsom salts and wet washcloths could fix about anything." That line gave me a smile. Enjoyed. best, ljc http://ljcbluemuse.blogspot.com/ | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Senior Member Username: garyb Post Number: 5868 Registered: 07-2001 |
I like this title most No one taught you how to patch concrete vs lay I want it to be in first person, but then that might conflict with the end which is in now... Smiles. Gary December's FireWeed http://www.mindfirerenew.com/ | ||
| jennifer vanburen
New member Username: annaswirls Post Number: 32 Registered: 10-2005 |
ljc and Gary, my apologies for the delay in responding to your comments. I put this one aside because another poet mentioned it needed something in the middle... and it took me this long to figure it out. Thank you for your comments and suggestions/pointing out the places where it works. ~jennifer www.mannequinenvy.com | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Senior Member Username: garyb Post Number: 6286 Registered: 07-2001 |
I like the revision. Reminds me of woman of the frontier who really did most everything to keep hearth and home intact. Smiles. Gary A River Transformed The Dawg House December Fireweed | ||
| native dancer
Advanced Member Username: nativedancer Post Number: 310 Registered: 12-2004 |
the revision does wonders, lifts the poem to a new plateau altogether. i was wondering if it would strengthen the narrator's dismissal by the men if the piece read like this: I stood to the side held wet washcloths to soak the blood, brought him pills for the pain. and in the last stanza, how about having actual men, the neighborhood retirees, looking on from across the street as she does it all on her own, without any help from any of them. such a fine poem. congratulations. | ||
| Lazarus
Intermediate Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 814 Registered: 10-2005 |
I love the first person in this now. Great work Jennifer. Why don't you share it again higher up? “Something sacred, that's what they want” -Jim Morrison. From the movie “The Doors.” | ||
| jennifer vanburen
New member Username: annaswirls Post Number: 38 Registered: 10-2005 |
Thank you James and Lazarus-- I am not sure how to share it higher up-- do I have to start a new thread? I like the idea of bringing in a new person/people in the end and the distancing revisions you proposed. I will work on it. ~J www.mannequinenvy.com | ||
| Lazarus
Intermediate Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 829 Registered: 10-2005 |
Yes, when you're done start a new thread and note that it is a revision. (Put in just the revision, those that wish to can come back here to read the former versions.) “Something sacred, that's what they want” -Jim Morrison. From the movie “The Doors.” |
